If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
