I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
