Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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