She is in my trunk
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
