You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
