sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
