Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
