Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
