Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
