i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
