i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
