the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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