Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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