I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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