I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it was like eating out sand paper
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
His nipple licking is glorious
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