we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
