just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
