Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
