Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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