So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
