During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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