Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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