you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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