You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize