I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
