We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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