The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
