So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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