there's paper in my vomit.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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