Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize