Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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