his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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