just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize