I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
