i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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