Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
