dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
