what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
