She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
zippers are such a cool invention
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
