Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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