that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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