just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
