remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
