I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
