i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
