that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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