if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
