it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Another day, another engagement, another cat
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize