is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
