Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
