My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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