Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
