you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize