Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
