at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
