she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
