Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
How's work?
Spinning.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
