Who did Billy Mays play for?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
