is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
sarcasm needs its own font
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize