you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
