those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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