I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I think I just sharted jello shots
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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