he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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