My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
