I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
