the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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