its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize