now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
