there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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