That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I think my moral compass just broke
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