I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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