My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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