Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
