u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize