just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
