It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
