How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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