someone get that fucking seahorse.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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