i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
