If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
