Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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