Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
