Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
