Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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