Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
