How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize