the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
