My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
