I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
