dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you win again, gameday.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
