Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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