nut hugger
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
